In 2010, one-tenth of young adults used texting to invite someone to a first date. Three years later, we went to the third.
This means that our primary interaction is through our phone / Facebook (all of this is drastically boring, I know, but it’s time to recognize that all messaging is a sextoy) and that we can experience the joy of these modern torments: why does the person not respond to a message that has been received and read? What can we have to do more urgent than take thirty cursed seconds, if only to send a rake? What is this message that the person started to type and who was never sent? Is it good or bad? What does this fucking emoji mean?
Small digression on emojis: would we be by chance becoming disabled reaction?Something dark and interesting like the bowels of Chtulhu is played there. Facebook proposes to us as activities to eat but not to drink, to be active but not to be passive, in love but not indifferent … of the pure social conditioning. And then to be happy, what does it mean? Happy how? One can be happy with relief, one can be happy, satisfied, happy, serene, enthusiastic, one can be in the excitement, the jubilation, the sparkle, and all that is so incredibly different – all confusion is a continent that’s collapse, and a real misunderstanding when we thought to communicate. There are emotions allowed, hobbies encouraged. I scream at Big Brother when they offer me “yay” and that my specific feeling is “fuck yeah” or “I’m happy that this friend has a good holiday but a bitterness tints the altruism of my joy, because me too j I would like to lean my fat on a chaise-longue, which is currently impossible for the following 186 reasons. Besides, I feel guilty to be so envious. A good person would not feel that desire and would float above contingencies. All this proves that my smile hides the vilest selfishness – oh, hi Damien, take advantage of the Zika virus in Martinique, especially, eh. ” Besides, I feel guilty to be so envious. A good person would not feel that desire and would float above contingencies. All this proves that my smile hides the vilest selfishness – oh, hi Damien, take advantage of the Zika virus in Martinique, especially, eh. ” Besides, I feel guilty to be so envious. A good person would not feel that desire and would float above contingencies. All this proves that my smile hides the vilest selfishness – oh, hi Damien, take advantage of the Zika virus in Martinique, especially, eh. “
But back to our texting, and the delays in the answers. According to an article by actor Aziz Ansari in nautil.us , researchers have shown that we are particularly receptive to the uncertain reward – we are over-motivated when we do not know if we will be rewarded for our efforts (here, the whole lottery industry opens champagne). The idea is that if the reward is waiting for us all the time, then we can take it when it sings and disappear afterwards. She becomes a due. While we are more inclined to try to fill the gap, so to desire the objects or the rarest people – those who are desired, who could disappear from the market.
You have recognized the famous technique “one step forward, two steps backwards” that makes life very difficult for us – two people who want to sleep together, who play the difficult ones for fear of being considered hopeless, and who end up missing out. checkmark. What depresses me vaguely in this story is that we are constantly busy rebuilding social hierarchies: the partner who loses the least quickly finds himself in a situation of decision, of superiority, even though it is the another who had the courage to push his pawns. In an absurd way, the bad person is rewarded: the world would be even more zen if being easy to access guaranteed popularity, rather than engaging in resistance contests.
Except apparently, our brain has decided to thwart our aspiration to happiness (at least our aspiration to the underpants). The problem is all the more marked for our generation that texting is supposed to go fast: as much as waiting for a letter seems normal, as long as waiting for a text seems absurd.So we have to swallow a lot more frustration – we start our relationship with frustration, we start hating each other to inflict it on us (even if these prevarications are the reason we are attracted). Not to answer forbids the other to check this element on his to-do list: not to know, to wait, it is the highway of the rumination. The non-respondent is left to take an emotional place. In the worst case, we end up feeling a beginning of feeling in love, but totally artificial. Totally mechanical. Misery.
The game becomes all the more cruel as when the person voluntarily does not answer (let’s leave out the 1% who are really in a meeting), it is that she is actively securing a dominant position in your interaction . Every passing minute becomes proof that for the other, social status matters more than you. So we prefer people who prefer us less (than their status).
In short: there is something to tear your hair, and I thought that this reminder would effectively sabotage your beginning of the week. I kiss you. (And to reassure you: I am in the camp of the desperate, I always answer in the second.) It is also by pride that I do it: because I feel that I do not need to manipulate, and that if really I should have come to those ridiculous games, so that relationship would have been anyway unsatisfactory.